Pensive & Reflective

Pensive     (pen-siv)    adj.

dreamily or wistfully thoughtful.

Reflective (ri-flek-tiv)  adj.

syn.  contemplative, meditative, thoughtful.


I woke up this morning with this kind of mood, I suppose perhaps because I have a raw and burning throat and all my carefully laid plans for today are like the house of cards that collapses with the mere breath of wind. And also perhaps because my youngest offspring is in way worse shape than me, sleeping off the effects of her latest Nyquil dose....She's been burning the candle at both ends. She's learned how from the master of course.

So today I think I'll back off, pay the bills, like any dutiful house manager does on the 1st of the month, do some reading, take a nap and think of something reaallly easy for dinner.

I'm feeling reflective because two important anniversaries have come to pass and I've been doing some reflecting.

A year ago today I was called to be the Relief Society president of a small Spanish branch. To say that I was surprised is a gross understatement, although I had spiritual inklings ahead of time, to which I immediately dismissed as being a load of crock..........

I was used to being in the background, happily leading the music, learning the language, enjoying the people and staying in the shadows.

I suppose if I had been called to be the president in my own English speaking ward, I could have girded up my loins, fresh courage take, like my pioneer ancestors, and done just fine.

But this....this has reduced me to a puddle of humanity, literally, and forced me to my knees pleading for help on many, many, many occasions.  I used to cry before every meeting and visit.  I wished I could just make it go away many times.

But what have I learned?  I've learned that Divine Help is always available. I've learned I can do some hard things even though I don't want to. I have learned more about what it means to have the gift of tongues....to feel a conduit of light and inspiration literally flowing from above into my heart and brain and out of my mouth. I've learned that God loves me and my sisters. I've been awed and humbled at the faith of people who sometimes don't know where their next meal is coming from, who fear for their safety at times and are subject to ridicule and discrimination. I love them for their infinite patience with me, trying to muddle through the language and sweetly correcting my mistakes. I love their abrazos and beautiful dark eyes and glossy dark hair. And their kids....oh wow....such beautiful babies!

So I'll close for now, drink a cuppa echinacea tea, and report on my other anniversary tomorrow. One must have another blog topic waiting in the wings........