Wednesday, November 7, 2012

So Howya Doin?

I'm still here.  I'm just so sad. I mean, I live my life and I have happy moments and I'm doing things, but I'm just so sad.  I can be just going along, and the sadness just sideswipes me like a hit-and-run accident.

Like today. I got a piece of exciting news last night (which I'm not allowed to share publicly yet) and I got up this morning thinking about calling my mom to tell her.

But I can't.

So I called my dad.  It's okay, but it's not quite the same.

I'm mad that I'm sad too.  Because my youngest child is going to be married in three weeks. And there are times that I can't even enjoy the moment and I feel like it's a little unfair to be slammed with this much sorrow when it should be a time of joy.

Like we had her bridal shower last Saturday.

I mean, who could be sad looking at that?

So I feel guilty about being sad and I especially hate telling people that I am sad, which is probably why I haven't blogged in awhile.  I also know in my head that I should move on and it's okay, but my heart won't let me, or is it the other way around?

I often feel crushed by all the responsibilities that I have right now and I haven't yet had time to catch a breath and regroup.

So that's how I'm doing.

Oh my gosh!! THREE WEEKS!!!


Reno said...

My heart is with you. After 10 years I still have that instinct to tell my Mother things.

Amy said...

I know. I don't like that you're sad but it tells me what a wonderful relationship you had with Grandma. Things are never going to be perfectly great until we"re all together again. I can't wait for that day.
In the mean time, I hope the "sad attacks" fade. I hope that you'll WANT them to fade too and not feel guilty when you want to feel happy.
Love you, Mom.
Let's hang out soon.

Momza said...

O Friend,
I am so sorry that your heart is heavy as you miss your mother. I hope that your grief is lifted in the coming day ahead as you celebrate the marriage of your daughter. Surely, your mother is in the midst of this sweet time in your lives. Be patient.
Much Love

Kerin said...

My heart goes out to you and your family.
How deeply you miss your mother, and always will.

It does get easier to breath, as time goes on. That crushing feeling that you get in your chest slowly goes away.

Don't feel pressured, or guilty to get over the loss of your mom.
It takes time, and everyone is so different.

My dad has been gone for almost ten years now, and I still miss him every single day, but I'm grateful for eternal families, and looking forward to giving him the biggest hug, when we are re-united.

Sending you hugs and prayers...

RhondaLue said...

What an exciting time for your daughter! Do you need help running errands or making anything? If there's anything I can do to ease any pressure, you know where to leave me a comment! ;)

Be patient with yourself.