It's done! It's done!

I have been obsessing over this quilt for the past several weeks. I finally finished binding it yesterday. It's so cute I could die!!  I've set a goal to redo our extra room into a playroom for the grandkids and this was part of the decor.  I'm going to get some colorful pillows to go with it.

I've been hibernating because I'm having a few....umm.....health issues. I had to have a hysterosonogram a couple of weeks ago, looking for something growing inside and ever since the exam I have felt really screwed up. So after weeks of pain I finally went back to the doctor and I have a raging infection which I feel was caused by the exam. (Look it up-I really don't want to explain what it is)  It's taken me days to feel better and I still don't feel normal. I'm headed to see a specialist tomorrow to see about...err....um.... taking out the little thing growing inside. Nope-it's not a baby.  That factory shut down years ago.

Hibernating at home helps you get things DONE-albeit slowly, but DONE!

One Fact this Friday

Okay-so I'm a fabric-holic. I'm obsessed with fabric, always have been. Running my hands over some bolts of soft cottons makes me suuuppper happy. (weird I know)  I wasn't able to do any sewing for many years because I was too busy working and raising my family and having a busy church calling but now that I have a little more spare time-(yikes I may be jinxing myself for saying that)  I'm renewing my joy and passion for sewing.

One of the reasons is this little baby......

My old machine (it really wasn't that old!) was driving me crazy. I had it in the shop about six times in the last six months. I finally gave up on it just before my birthday in November (well, isn't THAT a coincidence!!) It's a Janome 8900 and it has a large harp (the space between the needle and the case on the right side).  It is HEAVEN to machine quilt with-the main reason why I bought it. I smile every time I use it. Worth every pretty penny-(hack hack)

I found this in my Christmas stocking and it is super fun! A tiny little iron to use when I'm piecing, and making...

Barbie clothes! I decided to make this little one a matching skirt for her Barbie for her birthday this year. It was hysterically funny to make them. I had an audience of daughters while I was sewing and we were Squealing and giggling the whole time at how cute they were. I made a couple other outfits for Miss Barbie too. I envision some more Barbie clothes in the future! Note-Barbie clothes are harder than regular sized clothes!, smaller seams, smaller sizes, etc.

This is a quilt top I made for my oldest grandson's 10th birthday.  He went with me to pick fabrics and well....er........they are a little interesting.......I had to give him some guidance on that one but I used fleece for the backing and it was wonderfully soft and cozy and comfy.

This is a top I just finished. It's kind of a retro-50ish fabric. I know the lighting is horrific! My mom had cross-stitched some growth charts....

So I used the colors in them as a guide for the fabrics I picked for the quilt. These are going in the new playroom for the grandkids. Retro themed-I'm really excited.  I'm going to have an unveiling party with the grandkids around Easter, I think. (if I have a goal date-it will get DONE!!)

And I found these little cuties on line, on sale!!  It's for grandbaby #14 coming in June. Can you guess what it is?????

Here's how they told me......
And we've got another little person coming in August. Dang-that means I have more sewing to do!! and FABRIC shopping!

Wow! Three Months?

I can't believe it has been three months since I last blogged. Since then my life has had huge changes. I've toyed with the idea of giving up the blog, but I keep thinking about it, and it's a way for me to keep touch with long distance family. So I thought I would do a pictorial review of the last three months.

We buried my momma on October 6, 2012. This image is burned into my brain and it's when I cried because I saw her beautiful grandsons lovingly carrying her to her final resting place in Logan, Utah, surrounded by her ancestors that she loved so much.

Afterwards, we went to the historic Bluebird Restaurant to eat lunch. It was so amazing because my grandfather played in a band there and I loved feeling the history that had gone on there. Most of my cousins and ALL of my children and grandchildren were there. We spent a couple of hours eating, grieving and laughing over stories of my mom.

And then, before I knew it, my baby was married! It was a beautiful day with a wonderful spirit.

She is wearing my mother's wedding dress that is over 55 years old. My sister and I found it in my mom's closet and I wanted Alyssa to wear it to her wedding luncheon. We had a crisis the night before though, and I had to dash to Joann's to buy a new zipper for it. Whew! It is an amazing dress and quite the fashion now!

And after four years of serving, I was released as Relief Society president in the Tierra Rica Spanish branch. It was an amazing experience but it was time for a change.  I love my sisters with all my heart and I'm now serving as a family history consultant.

And it seemed like five minutes later.......It was CHRISTMAS!!!!!! (I'm missing one of my peeps here, Amy & Bret with their little guy, not sure where those pics went!)

This photo epitomizes the excitement and joy at Christmas time. I just loved it!

And before I knew it, we were celebrating a new year........

Life has changed dramatically. I'm now a college student in the BYU Idaho Pathway program, starting the (seemingly eternal) process of getting my bachelor's degree. I've spent some time healing and resting from the  past few months, even the past few years. More changes are ahead too......we've got some more grandbabies coming along, but of course I can't spill ALL the beans in one post!

So Howya Doin?

I'm still here.  I'm just so sad. I mean, I live my life and I have happy moments and I'm doing things, but I'm just so sad.  I can be just going along, and the sadness just sideswipes me like a hit-and-run accident.

Like today. I got a piece of exciting news last night (which I'm not allowed to share publicly yet) and I got up this morning thinking about calling my mom to tell her.

But I can't.

So I called my dad.  It's okay, but it's not quite the same.

I'm mad that I'm sad too.  Because my youngest child is going to be married in three weeks. And there are times that I can't even enjoy the moment and I feel like it's a little unfair to be slammed with this much sorrow when it should be a time of joy.

Like we had her bridal shower last Saturday.

I mean, who could be sad looking at that?

So I feel guilty about being sad and I especially hate telling people that I am sad, which is probably why I haven't blogged in awhile.  I also know in my head that I should move on and it's okay, but my heart won't let me, or is it the other way around?

I often feel crushed by all the responsibilities that I have right now and I haven't yet had time to catch a breath and regroup.

So that's how I'm doing.

Oh my gosh!! THREE WEEKS!!!

Listening

Right now I'm sitting on the bed in the room in my parent's basement we affectionately call "the cave," although rumor has it that this room used to be the study for Elder Dallin H. Oaks. (previous owner of this house)

And I'm listening. Listening for the footsteps of my mother overhead. But I can't hear them.

This is the first morning of my life without my mother. She passed away suddenly yesterday afternoon. Of course we knew it was coming, and in our own self-important way, we were discussing our arrivals to the family home to assist my dad. But she surprised us all by leaving quickly. The nurse thought that it was a blood clot in her healthy lung. She had taken a turn for the worse over the weekend and we knew that angels were near and the veil was thin.

But I didn't get to talk to her yesterday. I'm sad. I spent the whole day making her a comfort quilt and she left us about the same time I finished it.

I've not shared much during this time because I've felt like I've had my own little package of grief that I didn't want to open and share with the public.

For the time being, we will be together as a family and plan how to honor this woman who, in the sense of the world, made little impact, but was our whole world.

Taking a Deep Breath

A few months ago I had an overwhelming impression that my mother was going to be ill this year. It was so strong that it stayed with me for awhile and brought me to tears. I've shed many tears since.

I thought I would post an update because I know that a few people will be wondering how things are going. I've hesitated to share much because my parents are very private people.

I spent almost a week with my parents. We spent one day in the emergency room, another visit to a doctor, another visit to a clinic for a procedure and I'm so glad I was there to help out.

My mom has adenocarcinoma of the lung-Stage 4. The prognosis is very grave. Currently hospice is involved in her care and I'm comforted that someone with the skill and tenderness needed to help her at this point in time is available. She can revoke hospice at any time if she feels better.

Currently we are in limbo. Her health is declining rapidly, yet the oncologist has no treatment options available because they are waiting for test results on the cancer cells.

I weep for the love that is being shown to her by caring friends and family and medical professionals. I weep because of the love and tenderness I feel from my Heavenly Father and my own caring friends and family. I'm feeling tender and soft and oft times even flu-ish because of the grief process we are going through. It's been difficult to function because I just stare at the wall for long periods of time.

But I'm grateful for my faith because I know I will see her again, and she will be with her family that she so dearly loves. I'm going to miss her terribly. She is still with us now and is only a phone call away but I hesitate to talk to her for any length of time because she is so weak. I joy in my own sweet family and darling grandkids and the joy that a newly engaged couple exudes!

I will try to update again but it is difficult. But I'm okay.

Checking In

I'm just checking in before I check out. Life can be very interesting. You can have the highest of highs and the lowest of lows almost at the same time. Ten days ago my youngest got engaged to be married--November 29th, and today I found out my dear mother has cancer. I'm probably not going to be blogging for the foreseeable future, so I thought I would make that announcement in case anyone wonders what happened to the Matriarchal Madwoman. I'm flying out on the first flight to Salt Lake tomorrow and in between times there, will be planning a lovely wedding. I'm hoping to check back in but right now I can't even think about it.....