Just Pretend this Post is Dated March 30th Because I didn't Blog Yesterday

Happy Birthday Elder Steve!

This is the one where the epidural didn't work. Or at least the nurses didn't listen to me about how fast I progress in labor when I finally get going.......and the epidural was working after I had him......he wanted to come and the doctor wasn't there yet. See here. (then scroll down a bunch because I can't figure out how to link this properly-it's the birth experiences one) This is the one whose chest was 1/2 inch larger than his head.....ouch..... 9 lb 3 oz.....this was my first baby with serious colic......This was baby #5. Five children is HARD!

But he always had an underlying sweet nature....until he turned 15 and I wondered where my sweet little boy went.....but then he sorta came back.....but with a little attitude....

Here are some more mission photos which crack me up and illustrate his sense of humor:

Let's try a new door approach....but look-what is at that door??

Wait-I think it's lions guarding the door! Maybe we better skip this one! (Hey-I just noticed the army fatigue backpack---umm... that's not the one we sent him off with.....)

Shhhh-go quietly so they don't wake up!

Tennessee-take good care of my boy.......

warning: this post may contain images interesting only to my mother

This week:

the Eagle application: turned in!

those twirling gold tassels: magna cum laude!

Chapter 8 oral Spanish quiz: 98

cuteNess: baby feeties

elder steve: training a greenie and district leader...

my fav easter picture: this

WhY I am the Dumbest Person on Earth

Why did I do it? I KNOW better. I got suckered by a cute face. Well, not a cute face in the traditional sense, but anyway.....

I let the Kirby vacuum cleaner salesman in my house.

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

Let me preface this by saying I hate Kirby vacuums, too heavy -too expensive.

You see, I wanted him to win that trip to Disneyland, really....

And he was this short, chubby, cute Hispanic guy with lots of enthusiasm.

And I told him he could only come in and vacuum my carpet for 20 min.

Because I had to go somewhere.

And he had to speak Spanish because I need the practice.

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

45 minutes later I was annoyed, my brain was fried from comprending el espanol.

I was late to my Pinewood derby meeting.

But.....

Almost thou persuadest me to buy a Kirby vacuum...

Confessions of a Former Porkette

My Name is Madwoman and I am a former Porkette. I became a Porkette in 1976 by marrying a pork producer (not called a Porker) and into a family of pork producers. I have no idea how this name evolved, but in the early days before political correctness, some genius decided to call the wives of Pork Producers "Porkettes." Our main job was to promote the use and eating of Pork. I have no idea how much I contributed to this effort---I don't really remember doing a lot about it other than going to dinners and discussing the benefits of pork eating. I recently came across an old newspaper article with a picture of my sister in law at a local grocery store in our small town with the word "Porkette" prominently featured in the headline. I have no idea what she was doing but she definitely was fulfilling her assigment as a Porkette. Alas, those days are gone....the name has probably gone by the way too......

You haven't lived until you have experienced a real live pig farm. This is not a photo of ours but it looked exactly the same, only bigger......In those days, we had around 5000 of the little porkers running around. The stench and the noise are absolutely impossible to describe. I remember the first time I went into a farrowing barn where the mamas were having their babies and being absolutely terrified of the huge sows and feeling the hot wave of pig excrement smell wash over me...........(my dad used to say it smelled like money) Oh-the stories I could tell about washing the stuff off blue jeans.........But, alas those days are gone by too and we are awash in city life and are far far away from pig excrement.....

Hence, the reason why we traded the delivery fee for our first-born son for a pig. The end.

This is Why I am At Wally-World Every Other Day

Can you see that big chunk of glass missing? Casualty of Bubba D and the dishwasher. But I can't STAND plastic glasses. They set my teeth on edge kind of like scraping your fingers on a blackboard. Don't know why. I have a small set of plastics for the grandkiddies but it's glass for the rest of us......

So I head off for cheapo glasses about every other month.......

Sprinklers

Our lawn sprinkler system is out of whack. It won't turn on when it is supposed to. It won't turn off when it is supposed to. So I have to go out and manually figure out how to turn the dang thing off and on. Isn't that why we paid GOOD money for a sprinkler system? So I don't have think about this manual labor???

Don't even get me started on the pool right now....

Scrapbook page I just started (not completed-and it's 12 x 12 and my scanner isn't) telling about the first party we hosted after we were married-TL's birthday. I thought it would be appropriate to show today.....dang-we were all younger and skinnier in those days! I made him a golf birthday cake.....shhhh....don't tell him....I am going to make him a banana cream pie today!

Happy B-Day to TL

Many Moons ago a little baby boy was born today-he was the apple of his mother's eye....in fact...his children claim he NEVER did anything wrong-in fact his mother declared this many times... He grew up farming and ranching and riding horses and playing cowboys and Indians Then he grew up even more to be a studly football playerAnd when he got real big he decided to go on a mission and learned to speak Spanish real, real good and teach many people about Jesus.
A long time after his mission he met a girl who didn't like to ride horses and lived in the city her whole life but he loved her anyway and married her.


And not too long after that he had another birthday and guess what he got for his birthday!!!! A baby girl.....

He got many, many more babies after that-he even told his wife after she brought him baby #5 (five days after his birthday) that he dreamed they would have 7 babies in all. She told him he was nuts......

But he is real smart and he was right---she brought two more babies home to him. And they did have 7 babies!

Happy Birthday to my beloved eternal companion.....

He is Risen

"But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed."

Isaiah 53: 4

Go see "The Bread of Life."

Happy Easter.

The Goal

Generally, when coloring easter eggs, the goal is to have beautifully colored oval orbs to delight family and friends......

We learned some new things the other day when having an easter egg coloring-fest.....

Easter egg dye water tastes mighty fine.......

Easter egg dye water colors human skin real good too.....

How to Have a Photo shoot With Six Children Five and Under

First you give them cool props like bunny ears. No, you didn't count wrong. There are five. No way was #6 going to put on dumb bunny ears for a photo. The guy's got a little pride, ya' know?

Then you try all kinds of tricks to get them to look at the camera, including dangling a floating foot in front of them. Notice how it doesn't work.

Then you make weird noises with your mouth, whistle, trill, scream, then clap and jump....do weird contortions...do they stay put and smile perty for the camera?

Nope.

So then you give up and take photos one at a time....of the ones that will sit still long enough to pose.

Uh, well, that sorta works.

Ahh, finally one who knows how to sit still and look at the camera.

A Special Day

First off, thanks to all who wrote comments on my last post. I honestly didn't write it to get pats on the back, but hey, they are always appreciated and serve to lift me up (which is great right now because we are living in a house of hormones at the moment)

Today is a Special day. Why? Because today at 1:15 am.....ahem...well a few years ago I became a mother for the first time!

Isn't she the cutest??? This was my sweet little guinea pig. I was not much more than a child myself when she was born so she really got the brunt of my experiments and boo boos. She is the one on whom I cut the teeth of motherhood.....And she has turned out pretty amazing despite myself!

I wanted to document the story of her birth since in those days whenever anyone in the family gave birth, life as we knew it at the time came to a grinding halt. We were hog & cattle ranchers with a family farm in a small community and were pretty tight as a family. So when the first labor pains started, the forces were marshalled, everyone rallied and gathered to observe, coach, time contractions and cheer the laboring mother. For me it took about 2 1/2 days to get this child born...so we had quite a coaching,timing and cheering staff going. She is the first grandchild of my parents so of course they dropped everything and came over with my sisters. (they lived 2 hours away) The first day my 16 yr old sister with a brand new driver's license drove me to the doctor's office to get checked out (she's the one who drove through the wall in the garage)........ My sister in law always stepped in to time the contractions and by the end of the 2nd day we had quite a large group gathered at my mother in law's house to watch me huff my way through the Lamaze breathing. We lived aways from the hospital so her house became labor central. The guys were camped out watching some cowboy movie...the ladies were observing me....(I am not exaggerating when I say that I had quite an audience) I went to the hospital twice and the nurses would just say, "honey, it's not time yet." We decided after the last visit that we were just going to wait until after midnight to go back to the hospital since we didn't want to get charged for another day. We drove back to my mother in law's house for round 3 of the huffing, observing, coaching, timing, etc. By this time I was getting really annoyed with the audience (not realizing that my contractions were progressing VERY rapidly). The guys pretty much gave it up (since the movie was over) and went to bed, all except TL of course and the long suffering ladies. At the stroke of midnight we headed back over to the hospital with our entourage and I was really feeling desperate. The nurses saw me and conceded to admit me-not bothering to check my progress. I'm not much of a screamer but I had to finally admit that I was REALLY uncomfortable and so when they finally decided to check me, panic ensued when they realized our little baby was finally coming and coming fast......

So she came, she's here and she is great!

Her code name originally started out as M.A.....(Madwomen apprentice) since she is a mommy herself but since she is in the blogging world now, she's not so anonymous-go see her blog here.

Have a happy, happy birthday! Thanks for making me a mommy today!

Mother Guilt

I have been pondering this for the past few days, ever since I read an email (that I probably shouldn't have read) that a nice lady had written expounding the details of her incredibly gifted and highly accomplished family....children and grandchildren. Tales of foreign service jobs, fluency in Russian, music prodigies.. yada yada yada. Ever since then I have been in sort of a funk....feeling guilty about my mothering skills, or lack thereof. This seems to be happening to me more as I get older and I see the fabulous things my children are doing with their children...and hear about other people's fabulous children.....and I think-why didn't I do that??? or gosh-I shoulda done that....

I guess it's because in all those years I was either gestating, lactating or having financial problems and working my butt off to provide for our thundering herd-and between having numerous ankle biters and hormonal teens, well, some days it was just all I could do to get decent food on the table, keep the laundry semi-current and get everyone where they needed to be....on time! And mostly doing all that stuff at the same time....

So apologies to my seven offspring:

I am sorry we had to quit the music lessons because we couldn't afford them.

I am sorry we didn't speak Spanish at home so that you all grow up to be fluent speakers-or any other foreign language for that matter.....

I am sorry we didn't study geography at the dinner table and then go to the places we studied.

I am sorry I didn't stay up until midnight having meaningful spiritual conversations with you after you returned home from dates, etc.

I'm sorry we didn't choose exotic careers so that you could see the world.

I'm sorry we didn't send you to Harvard, Princeton, Berkley..BYU...whatever......

But let me share with you what these fabulous people do:

They all speak and read English fluently.

They know how to dress and groom themselves.

They all have nice straight teeth.

Not one of them has ever aspired to a career at McDonald's.

They have all managed to get above average grades-and mostly way above average!

My girls know how to cook and do it daily.

The ones who are reproducing make incredibly beautiful babies! (and I have no doubt that those who will be reproducing soon will do the same!)

Perplexing questions and Photos

I was actually going to post about something else today-but you know how it is...something else pops up....

Perplexing question #1:

Who always leaves the cap off the milk jug?

Perplexing question #2:

Why is this empty plate taking up room in the fridge?

Somehow today has been a parade of my adult children popping in and out.

Photo #1:

This big boy has lost 45 pounds! That's right- FORTY-FIVE pounds! Good job....Look how skinny he is Grandma!

Photo #2:

I know they are just using me for my high speed internet.....{sniff sniff}..(and easter candy)

Think Green

Taking a break from our regularly scheduled programming to wish you a Happy St. Patrick's Day...

I ♥ Parakeet--favorite green scrapbook paper color.

I ♥ the green grass of Utah in the summertime.

I ♥ split pea soup....but the family doesn't. (i'm very bitter over this)I ♥ these green cleaning slippers.

I ♥ green peas...but most of the family doesn't.

Today is the official start of our school spring break. Bubba D will be in a coma until nearly noon. Boofus the Tortured Teen is spending the night at cousin's house-anticipating the swimming party which will have TONS of cute boys from a neighboring middle school (the grass is always greener..) Me? I get to go to school. Who was the genius that planned the school calendar for this year???

Par-Tay House

Yep-we have a par-tay house. Birthday parties, family parties, surprise parties, bridal showers, baby showers. You name it-we have par-tayed.....This weekend was the Kute Kassi baby shower, niece extraordinaire.

The following are some par-tay photos for the benefit of the fam that is out of town:

Kassi being crowned the "Mom to Be."

Diaper cake-decorative yet functional.

Grandpa L. appropriately wearing a pink shirt-the only male in a sea of estrogen.Honey-that's the last time that burbie cloth will be clean........

Pink seemed to be the dominant color-

The reason why we have a par-tay house-a large open area to hang out.

If you haven't guessed-she is having a girl-due May 17th-no name yet.....

Well...On to the next par-tay........(after a short recovery period)