Thursday, April 30, 2009

Riding the Guilt Train

I got a phone call from one of my daughters a couple of days ago. The gist of the conversation was this: "Mom, I am I going to be guilted into doing this? (she was referring to someone else-not ME!)

The next day I had an intense conversation with my husband regarding how guilty I always felt about the things I didn’t do or couldn’t do. He was absolutely stunned at my feelings. I guess men don’t feel guilty like women do.

Women feel guilty about EVERYTHING.

I feel guilty when my kids have cavities at the dental visits.
I feel guilty when I don’t accomplish everything on my list, even though I have already done about 700 things that day.
I feel guilty when I don’t serve nutritious meals to my family.
I feel guilty when I have to say no to something, and sometimes I will say yes at the expense of personal time or other responsibilities, and then be really annoyed about it.
I feel guilty when I take some personal time.
I feel guilty when I haven’t visited all the ladies that I felt I needed to visit in one week-even though I already visited 3 that week.
I feel guilty when my cleaning ladies come and my house is a disaster.
I feel guilty that I have cleaning ladies.
I even feel guilty when it's someone else's fault....sheesh.

Frankly I’m sick of feeling guilty.
I am taking a vow to try to get off the guilt train.
And figure out what is appropriate guilt.
And what is just negative behavior that I need to change.
Any ideas out there???


Momza said...

Scoot over Sister. I'm on the same train.

Kassi Jane said...

I think alot of women feel this way. It is something we all need to get over

Allyson said...

Yep, I second all those guilt things and could add about 10,000 more to the list.

Boy oh boy, if I knew how to get off the train I would. So far, it seems that the doors are locked, the windows have bars on them, and this train is made of way to cut my way out. I've been screaming for years, yet no one has come to my rescue.

I'll check back to see if you come up with a grand plan! :-)

Granny J said...

My mother taught me this: "When you feel like you should have, could have, ought have just been manipulated!" I refuse to be manipulated!

I think feeling inappropriate guilt is striving for perfection that is just not there. And if we don't come to accept our inperfection, and other's, we will not be healthy. Trust me on will be a little nutty! ;) Fogive yourself and everyone else. Guilt feelings, it seems to me, is living by everyone else's expectations. It's not all bad... how I feel about myself also lets me know that I am a bit harsh with others and what I expect from them. That's why I say forgive everyone!

"Men are that they might have joy"
YOU are in charge of your joy. Go out and get some today!:)

Momza said...

Granny J is now my offical hero.

Marilyn said...

Mine too! Granny J-I think you better make your blog public so you can share your philosophies with more of us crazies!

Anonymous said...

Boy this touched a nerve. I just received a full on proposal from a sister who was released from the Public Affairs committee of which I am the Director. I feel guilty that I am a little peeved that she is still trying to run things after she has been released. I feel guilty that I am not in a position to follow up on the proposal. And I feel guilty about trying to indicate gently to her that I would prefer she not copy the entire stake before I see the document.

RhondaLue said...

Well, I can tell you one thing I DON'T feel guilty about! Asking the lady in front of me at a RS meeting thingamajigger if she had a blog and introducing herself because we've met in bloggy land. I hope that wasn't too wierd. Glad to meet you in person!

Julie said...

Add guilt to a woman's long long memory and you could end up feeling real discouraged and down. I can remember my short comings and feelings of guilt about certain things from way back when...probably things no one but me noticed. Prayer helps me to feel better and usually helps me prioritize and put things in perspective. That said...I don't rely on it enough.

Michelle Aguilar said...

I think us Mom's are just stuck with this crazy emotion. I feel quilty when somone runs into me with their shopping cart and I say oh I am sorry, or they bump into me and I say sorry, Why? I mean they dont' acknowledge what they did and I say I am sorry! hello world. or I open the door for the man, do they say thanks, nope, I say it for them. LOL

Oh marilyn good luck!

Alice Wills Gold said...

I am so trying to learn to not be manipulative in any way...I don't want to cause anyone else guilt.

I think Mothers are the source of all guilt....even if we don't make others feel guilty, they learn it from us.

Power to the women..just say NO!