Deja vu

A week ago today, I awoke at 5:00 am to the sounds of TL throwing up again. He had been sick with the flu for over a week and I was concerned because he just wasn't getting any better. I walked into the family room, the early morning light just beginning to fill the room. He sat straight on the couch, staring straight ahead...I said, "Are you okay?" He didn't reply. I asked him again. He looked up at me with a blank look on his face. My heart stood still. The icy grip of terror gripped my soul and I thought...."oh no-not again...."

1997. Today was January 30th, our 22 wedding anniversary. A large glass vase with a dozen red roses graced our kitchen table. I knew that we wouldn't be doing much today, as TL was still in the throws of some kind of flu bug that held him captive for over a week. He didn't seem to be doing much better today. Concerned, I called our home teacher and asked him to come over to give him a blessing. The blessing was given, comfort assured, and I hurried off to begin my crazy day. We had 7 children, ages ranging from 3 1/2 to 19. Our oldest was getting married in six weeks and I had lots of things on my list, in addition to my booming medical transcription business. I had six ladies working for me with over 20 doctors dictating on a daily basis. I had to make my early morning run to the offices, come home and prepare the afternoon delivery, not to mention my own dictation to type. Needless to say, I was going 100 miles an hour from dawn to late after dusk. When I returned from my delivery, I checked on TL, then began to work. About 11 am I looked up when I heard a noise behind me. It was TL-standing proudly-looking kind of like a 2 year old who has accomplished something big-like putting his shoes on the wrong feet. He had gotten dressed. Only there was one problem......He was wearing my glasses. I knew at that moment that something was wrong. I gently guided him to the couch and began talking to him. His responses were slow and measured. He didn't seem to know what day it was. My heart stood still as I realized there was something seriously wrong. I called his doctor, the only one he had ever seen in 15 years. He seemed uninterested. "Just take him to urgent care," he said. When helping TL get ready to go, he couldn't figure out how to put his shoes on. I had a hard time getting him into the car. We went to the nearest urgent care where the preliminary diagnosis was a stroke. I knew it wasn't a stroke. I had enough medical knowledge to know the signs and symptoms of a stroke. We stayed there for a couple of hours, as I watched him slowly descend into madness. The decision was made to get him to the ER. The problem was, he wouldn't cooperate and he began to get aggressive. They called an ambulance and I tearfully followed them over. I had never felt so alone in my life. I couldn't get a hold of anyone on the phone. It took me several hours of trying before I felt the comforting arms of extended family around me. After days of viral-induced dementia-he began to slowly come out of it as his body and the medicine overcame the germs. Because he was so out of control, he had to be tied to his bed and a family member sat with him for 24 hours a day. We had to prevent him from getting up, ripping out IVs and trying to escape. He is a large, strong man, so my brother-in-law spent a lot of evenings with him. After crossing off each possible diagnosis after numerous tests, the final verdict was, viral meningitis. He fully recovered after six days in the hospital. I had never felt such terror in my life-wondering if my husband would come back to me.

May 14, 2008. I paced the floor, waiting for my neighbor, who is a paramedic and a worthy priesthood holder, to come back from his morning walk. As soon as I saw them turn the corner, I ran out and said, "I need help." He got his son and they returned quickly to check him out and give TL a blessing. The blessing was pronounced, the words were few, but I immediately knew what I had to do and I needed to do it fast......